Pain is inevitable. A child is born into the world in the midst of pain. The death rattle indicating one's end of life is not pleasant. In between life and death there is a long series of emotional and physical pain. In fact intense joy is impossible without intense pain as a high mountain peak is impossible without a low valley. Higher the peak lower the valley. Socrates, Christ, Gandhi, Martin Luther King – all were killed for the cause they believed in. Nelson Mandela spent 27 years in a harsh prison before he became the first president of his free country. The pain suffered by these great historical figures were undeserved and unsought. Often pain is the price we pay for our growth, the values we stand for. As gold in fire we get purified in pain. Our true mettle is shown in pain. By accepting unavoidable pain, we can make it work for us. While we may not experience cure we can certainly experience healing.

             Siddhartha's father wanted to protect his princely son from pain and suffering, and made various plans in his palace to shield him from pain. But Siddhartha who eventually became Buddha (enlightened) broke loose from the contrived arrangements, and came face to face with pain and sorrow. He then spent his entire life finding an ingenious and unparalleled solution to unavoidable pain and sorrow for the entire humanity. He stated that desiring what cannot be attained leads to unhappiness. To stop unhappiness one needs to stop desiring what one cannot attain. But then desiring to stop what cannot be attained is itself a desire that can lead to unhappiness. So desire only what can be attained, not any more not any less. Is it possible to reach this fine balance? Buddha proposed his eight-fold path of right view, right intention, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness, and right concentration so all can end their suffering and become Buddha like himself. Jesus Christ, the greatest exponent of pragmatic non-violent love (ahimsa) told his disciples to offer their right cheek when someone strikes on the left (Matthew 5, 38) and "to love your enemies, to do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you (Luke 6, 27 &28)". He made suffering salvific. Christ essentially exhorted his disciples to accept suffering for a cause with resignation rather than retaliate. Gandhi said if we followed the law of talion: an eye for an eye or a tooth for a tooth, the whole world will become blind and toothless. Gandhi put into practice the teachings of Christ, and suffered willingly and bravely to win India freedom without bloodshed. Pain and suffering creatively channeled have a redeeming value par excellence.

Relationships

             The whole universe is a network of physical, emotional, and spiritual relationships. While a relationship is not an entity in itself, it connects two or more entities. A human society cannot be conceived without relationships. When relationships among individuals, families, communities and nations are cordial, trusting, and non-exploitative, the world functions smoothly, and gives opportunities for everyone's growth and development. Any healthy relationship is based on two key elements: trust and mutuality. Trust is generated from reliability and predictability. Without mutuality and reciprocity, a relationship is one-sided and unequal. In an unequal relationship, one pursues the other or one is more needed than the other. The relationship is at the whim and mercy of the other in an unequal relationship. In such a relationship one party calls all the shots, and often manipulates the neediness of the other. Persons stay in a relationship for various reasons. Humans by nature are relational. They are born out of a relationship; they grow up and live in relationships. Their whole life is marked by relationships. Some, for instance, stay in an unequal relationship hoping it will change in time. Sometimes an unequal relationship is better than no relationship at all in that it at least keeps some kind of connectedness. A parent might stay in an unequal relationship with a child hoping that the child might change for a mutually beneficial relationship with age, maturity, and wisdom.

             A healthy relationship is the most enjoyable and satisfying happening in the world. Without it, life is not really worth living. In it there is sensitivity, thoughtful consideration, fond affection, and respect for the other; there is love and surrendering; absolutely no exploitation or use of the other. Both are sovereign subjects. It is marked by frequent sharing and communication. Both take calculated risks, yet the relationship is not based on opportunism or convenience. There is no conscious selfishness. While one or the other may be used or exploited in the initial stages of a relationship, the unhealthy and pathological elements are gradually eliminated with thoughtful communication and mutual feed-back. In my thinking, hell, if there is one, is marked by selfishness. I am reminded of a little story that indicates the difference between heaven and hell. In heaven and hell everything is the same except the attitude of the people. In both places in the middle of the dining hall, there is a delicious and nutritious potion that all like. The long ladles to scoop out the liquid food are tied to the arms in such a way that the elbows cannot be bent to feed themselves. In heaven one person feeds another; in hell each one tries to feed self in vain. Selfishness marked by self-centeredness is the root of all evil. Selfishness does not permit to give to the other person the advantage, opportunity, and freedom one enjoys. Love, the most precious gift humans have, functions only in the medium of a relationship. Relationship problems lead to conflicts even wars. We are living in a world where trust is waning and distrust is waxing. Distrust is the greatest emotional cancer that eats into the very marrow of humanity, and destroys countless relationships. We need to change this climate of suspicion and distrust where death and destruction reign. A new world order wherein good and healthy relationships characterized by non-violent love, sharing resources, and compassionate relating is needed now more than ever for sheer survival of humanity. This world order alone can prove wrong the fundamentalist and fanatic prophets of doom, gloom, and rapture, and, above all, thwart evil terrorists bent on indiscriminate death and destruction. A good and healthy relationship may be compared to a lush tropical paradise where everything thrives, flourishes, and blooms. On the other hand, a bad, unhealthy, and conflict-ridden relationship may be compared to a barren desert where everything withers and dies.