Good manners denote the level of mental hygiene and good discipline, and are indispensable for holistic living. They immensely add to the joy of living, and considerably reduce tension and stress. Rude manners have led to conflicts and mental and physical anguish. Good manners shown in public or private immeasurably increase the quality of life. Basic good manners are necessary for orderly living. Rude manners are in bad taste, and often go against not only good etiquette but also thoughtfulness, good norms, and order. Selfishness, self-centeredness, bad upbringing, and lack of knowledge and training, and lack of a social sense cause bad and rude manners. Persons who habitually engage in bad manners are often impulsive, and do not take into consideration the feelings and needs of others. They do not mind violating others' rights, think only of their immediate gain, and are not aware of the inconveniences, and sometimes their thoughtless behaviors cause even fatal accidents. Ironically some of the persons who exhibit inconsiderate and bad manners may be seen to be very kind and thoughtful human beings in their home settings or private dealings. This indicates there is a disconnection between their private and public persona. They are not integrated persons. Some of these persons are thrill-seekers who just do not think of the inconveniences they cause. Some of them do it because they can get away with it. Bad manners and illegal behaviors flourish when good norms and laws are not enforced. There is also a general deprivation of vigor, weakening of the social fabric, and convenient justification of bad acts by sayings such as what's the big deal?, why such fuss?, everyone does it, get over it if some conscientious persons protest or voice concern. People are so used to such rude and anti-social behaviors that they have become the rule rather than the exception. This attitude is more noticeable, perhaps, in societies subjected to long periods of bad treatment such as domination, subjugation, slavery, race and caste discriminations, and colonialism. Some of the bad manners I have especially observed since I have returned to India are:

Driving:

             Indian driving is bad and dangerous. The drivers do not follow any rules and regulations. The Kerala drivers are markedly notorious. They make roads a circus arena to perform acrobatic feats. They are eminently good in squeezing through extremely narrow passages. They overtake from right and left. Some are typical bullies who browbeat and dare others. They are daredevils on the go menacing everyone on their path. They do not take turns in passing, at crossroads, or in difficult traffic conditions. They turn narrow two-lane roadway into four-lane mayhem. They create a needless, willful bottleneck and get everybody including themselves stuck. They get into every gap between vehicles that safe drivers leave, unmindful of the traffic delay they create for themselves and others. At night they do not dim their glaring high-beam head lights that blind the on-coming drivers. It appears that they consider the courteous, law-abiding drivers as fools who do not know anything better. They are so aggressive that they try to find fault with others even when they are in the wrong, and their strategy seems to be that offense is the best defense. The bus drivers are so callous that they stop their buses almost in the middle of the road often at inconvenient places to let passengers alight and board blocking all the traffic. The drivers of auto rickshaws (three wheelers with small bodies) and motorcycles are a law unto themselves finding their way through every conceivable gap between vehicles leaving dents and scratches on others' vehicles, and what they plan to do on the spur of the moment is anybody's guess. Driving in the wrong direction in one way streets and highways is not unusual. Making turns without signaling or driving at night without lights are of not much concern. With this kind of traffic situation, I am only surprised that there are not more accidents. In most driving one's convenience, wants, and selfish interests seem to be given priority to the detriment of safety, social demands, and fairness. One can also expect plastic wrappers of food, bottles, and papers to fly out of the car at any time littering all along the road. Dumping of garbage in the forest along scenic route is also not unusual. It is also interesting that quite a few law-abiding Indians or persons of Indian origin seem to conveniently forget their good manners once they land in Kochi airport. If we can do it with impunity, why not?! It is also important to note that mediocre and unprincipled politicians concerned only about staying in power are unconcerned about the primitive conditions of scarce roads while a great number of new vehicles everyday are taxed to use the already highly overcrowded roads with few sign boards.

Etiquettes in Life

Phone Etiquette:

             This is another area where rude behavior reigns supreme. In India there is greater urgency in that technological progress is taking place at a fast pace, and the catching up time is too little. The phone caller will rarely introduce oneself. The first couple of minutes that set the tone for the entire conversation is wasted in sheer game playing. The first typical opening salvo without mentioning one's name is: Do you remember me? How could I? This person is calling after a long time. I had met him/her in some function long ago. I already had met so many people and have had so many phone conversations that day. I must say I am not too fond of the phone. Even for someone who only tolerates the phone, I do spend a lot of time on it. The ever-present range problem jams the voice or breaks up the tone. Then I am also wondering if I do not have a touch of Alzheimers disease. Well, at my age I am entitled to some kind of dementia. Some persons when they get the wrong number literally hang up leaving you high and dry. There is no closure. Some persons will make a call, and want to know your name before they ever attempt to introduce themselves. Then there is a battle of wits. Others pick up the phone, and you know you have the correct number, but will not tell you what is going on or if they are going to call or connect you to the right person. You do not know if you need to stay on the line or hang up. You stay on the line hoping against hope that something is going to happen, and, most of the time someone will appear on the other end. This happens mostly in government office situations. Courtesy is conspicuous by its absence. Somehow government officials think it is alright to be rude to their customers. They seem to have very little energy when it is about doing the work they are hired to do by taxpayers' money. They feel their presence for a few hours in the precincts of their office is more than sufficient for their pay-check. Rude as they are, they feel they do not need to disclose their identity by giving their names. They also make you feel they are doing you a favor when they are only doing their job sluggishly enough. They look here and there and everywhere before they bring their petty task to completion, of course, to the customer's great sigh and relief.

Food etiquette:

            Some persons are so concerned about their regular time of eating, and they do not mind letting you know that. If they do not eat at their exact time, some calamity is going to take place. They try to get to the best portions of the food at the fastest time. They do not care about touching an item and placing it back in the tray or plate before they finally select. They do not mind over-reaching for food over one or two persons across their table violating others' personal space. Their eyes are bigger than their stomachs, and they take much more food than they are able to consume. In this regard they are catching up with their American counterparts, and they will soon match them in wasting precious food. At receptions after special events such as weddings, engagements, baptisms, special celebrations, or jubilees, one gets the impression that the invited guests have been starving for two weeks because of the way they rush to secure their seats at tables. After they have eaten they leave their places with foods scattered all around their tables and floor giving the semblance of a cattle-shed. The second batch of people waiting for their food again rush in and establish themselves in chairs in front of uncleared tables of great mess.

Standing in queue or line

            This is something very foreign to many. Yet this involves not only courtesy but fairness. Jumpin line or reluctance to take turns is too common. Someone told me that people are very careful in standing in line for their turn in front of liquor shops or beverages outlets in India on the eve of special holidays. So they know the concept of standing in line. First come first served is a slogan that needs to be strictly enforced everywhere for order and everyone's well-being. It is only meet and just.

            Good manners indicate a person's upbringing, character, refinement, and culture. They help everyone have a good and enjoyable time. Our societies can flourish only when their members are socially responsible, thoughtful, considerate, rooted in solid democratic values, and give others their due.